Chapter 13: Hierarchy vs. Equality (Sir/Madam vs. First Names)

In India, respect is Vertical. In America, respect is Horizontal.

13.1. The “First Name” Revolution

In your first week in America, your 60-year-old boss will tell you: “Call me Bob.”

The Indian Instinct: You will want to say “Sir” or “Bob Sir.” Don’t.
The American Perspective: “Sir” and “Madam” create a distance. They make Americans feel old, or like they are in a hierarchy they are trying to ignore. Calling your boss “Bob” doesn’t mean you are his friend; it means you are a Professional Peer.

13.2. Eye Contact and Confidence

In India: Looking down or avoiding eye contact with an elder or a boss is a sign of respect (deference).
In America: Avoiding eye contact is a sign of Dishonesty or Low Confidence. Americans believe that if you can’t look them in the eye, you have something to hide.

13.3. The Decision-Making Process

In an Indian meeting, you often wait for the most senior person to speak. In an American meeting, if you don’t speak, people assume you have nothing to add.

Participation is Performance: You are expected to “Chime in,” even if you are the most junior person in the room. Disagreeing politely with your boss is seen as “Critical Thinking,” which is more valuable than “Obedience.”

Practical Takeaway for the Indian: Practice saying your boss’s first name in the mirror until it feels normal. When you talk to them, stand tall and look them in the eye. You aren’t being rude; you are showing that you are a confident, capable professional.